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这篇essay很简单,却被哈佛大学商学院作为范文公布

时间:2018-10-30 16:06来源:未知 作者:quanlei_cai 点击:
哈佛大学的名气不需要小编着重介绍了吧,作为世界上最著名的大学,哈佛商学院(HBS)也是美国商学院三大巨头之一。想要拿到HBS的offer,不仅要求超高的成绩、完美的简历或推荐信、优秀的课外活动、工作经历,文书也是影响申请成败的重要影响因素,在申请者自身实力相当的时候,文书能够打动招生官更是可以直接决定录取结果。今天我们主要讨论申请essay如何写,以一个实例说明什么样的essay是最有价值的。 2013 年哈佛商学院文书的题目如下: Youre applying to Harvard Business School. We can see your resume, school transcripts, extra-curricular activities, awards, post-MBA career goals,
哈佛大学的名气不需要小编着重介绍了吧,作为世界上最著名的大学,哈佛商学院(HBS)也是美国商学院三大巨头之一。想要拿到HBS的offer,不仅要求超高的成绩、完美的简历或推荐信、优秀的课外活动、工作经历,文书也是影响申请成败的重要影响因素,在申请者自身实力相当的时候,文书能够打动招生官更是可以直接决定录取结果。今天我们主要讨论申请essay如何写,以一个实例说明什么样的essay是最有价值的。
2013年哈佛商学院文书的题目如下:
You're applying to Harvard Business School. We can see your resume, school transcripts, extra-curricular activities, awards, post-MBA career goals, test scores and what your recommenders have to say about you. What else would you like us to know as we consider your candidacy? (No word limit)
你正在申请哈佛商学院。我们可以看到你的简历、学校成绩单、课外活动、奖项、工商管理硕士职业目标、考试分数和你的推荐者所说的关于你的事。那么,作为候选人,你还有什么是希望我们知道的?(无字数限制)
也就是说,在你的文书中不能出现任何材料中已经提及的经历或过去,而是需要通过这篇文书补充一些招生官不了解的事情。
那么该写些什么?如何去写?不妨让我们来看一篇范文。
What else would I like you to know?
I am who I am today mostly because of my brother [name]. [name] was born when I was four years old, and he had an extremely rare birth defect called Robert's Syndrome. At the time, he was one of a handful in the world to have it. He was born without arms, couldn't walk or talk, and had many other severe physical and mental defects. It was a complete shock to my parents. He was only expected to live for a day or two, but after a few weeks in the hospital he was healthy enough to come home with us. I was too young to really understand what was going on; I was just excited to have a brother. 
[name] was a full-time job for us. For his entire life he was incapable of doing anything for himself. My parents and I didn't have much, but we did have an amazing family and group of friends to support us. We couldn't have taken care of [name] without all of them, and seeing this level of sacrifice from so many people had a huge impact on me. No one ever complained. No one ever hesitated. We just did what we had to, and I saw first-hand at a young age how important it is to work together and help those around you. And our family (extended included), became so much closer because of how we came together for [name], and that closeness still holds today. 
 [name] ended up living for about four years, and I'm so grateful for the lessons I learned from him. My generosity, kindness, team work, and independence, come directly from him being in my life. And learning to deal with that level of stress and responsibility made me a much, much stronger person than I would have been without. 
So my family and I have carried [name]'s memory with us since he passed in the form of giving to others. About ten years ago, we started a charity called [institution], whose purpose is to supply beds and bedding to children in our area who are without. The thought was that [name] spent most of his life in bed, and if we hadn't had a decent one for him his life would have been so uncomfortable. As of this year, we have supplied almost [number] kids with mattresses, blankets, and stuffed animals, and each year we are able to help more and more children.
This mentality of service has been a big part of my life since we started [institution], and as I got older I wanted to start branching out to new service opportunities. And let me tell you, [city] has been a great place to start. This city has made a serious impression on me. Anyone who's from here either loves it or hates it, but either way, [city] is the kind of place that defines a person. [city] is the underdog, full of unrealized potential. Living in a place like this has opened my eyes to the heartache of missed opportunities (not even mentioning our sports teams…), and it's because of this that I've become so involved in the community. I've been able to work with so many very smart, driven people, and together we've done a lot to make a positive impact. My work with the [institution] has allowed me to help raise over [number] for small, local NFPs, and my work with the [institution] has complemented that with a more hands-on, service based focus. And being a Big Brother through [institution] has allowed me to make a lasting, consistent impact in a more focused way. 
All of these, together with working for a commercial bank, have given me a very satisfying life balance. I'm able to do so many things, and able to make a tangible impact in each of them. But sometimes I do so much that I don't take the time to stop and look around – to process what's happening. This was missing in my life. I know that the path I'd been taking was the right one for me, I'd just never truly felt ready to move on to the next phase. 
This changed this past summer when I did my first [event]. If you're not familiar with this, it's a [number] mile swim followed by a [number] mile bike and then a [number] mile run. Still seems nuts to me. I'd never done a triathlon of any kind before I signed up for this, but was so overwhelmed by watching my friend compete in the same one the year before. I'll never forget the moment: I was watching a quadriplegic go up the final – and largest – hill in his wheelchair, sweating, grunting, and crying. And finishing. I'm pretty sure everyone watching that was crying; it was one of the most moving things I'd ever seen. So I signed up. 
Training for this requires a serious amount of time, most of which you're alone with your thoughts (no music allowed during the race, so you train without). Eight hours biking, five running, and two swimming, each week for seven months, is so mentally taxing, and your mind goes to some new places. I started reflecting a lot, and really began to understand the choices I've made and the impact they've had. I thought a lot about where I was in life, why I was there, and what I would have done differently along the way. I thought about what I wanted for my future, not just career-wise, but in order to be happy. And it's not so much that my views changed from this experience, but I feel like I've gained a new level of clarity. I'm much more confident in my life goals, and can pursue them with pride and conviction. 
I'm now ready to move on to the next phase of my life, and am very excited to do so. 
专家点评:
这篇范文出自2014年的一位申请者,essay题目叫做《The Giver》,通读全文你会发现这篇essay遣词造句出人意料的简单朴实,高中生也能毫无障碍地看懂,但是却成功入选HBS“essay写作指导”的最佳范文之一,为什么呢?
首先,文章情感表达的真实感人,每段衔接的非常自然,语言朴实地道,不露声色的回答了why MBA, why now。
其次,哈佛商学院“essay写作指导”的编辑是这样评价的:这是一个关于某人的人生轨迹如何被自己兄弟出生而影响的事件,事件本身就很有意义。而且,这件事改变了作者对待社会对待他人的方式,甚至改变了他的信仰,这种影响力是强大的。而能够用简单清晰的方式表达出这种强大的文章就是powerful essay 。
每篇powerful essay都需要做到的一点是“show who you are beyond your resume”——具体来说就是“你的重点是什么,生活中你想要做什么,什么事成就了现在的你,现在你为什么想做这件事“。
因为,招生官已经知道你上的什么学校,参加过什么俱乐部,经历过什么职业,但是他们不知道这些经历如何影响和造就了你,所以你就是要告诉他们这些,这就是这篇essay的意义。



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